The Fairways Golf Society

Fun Page

Jokes - A regular turnover of witty sarcasm from members and web sources alike ( See "Links" Page )

Interview of the month - A monthly update of player interviews on subjects from courses they played to the new putter they brought last week !!!.

Guess the Golfer -  This says it all....its surprising who you find on the golf course !

The Betting Shop - Need a tip for Player of the year.... Then look no further.

Fairways Golf Society Man of the Year - See The latest Postings for this prestigious award.

It still hurts

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She explained that she was a physical therapist: Please allow me to help.

I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me she told him earnestly.

Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright...I'll be fine in a few minutes, he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him: How does that feel? To which he replied: It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell.

£50 for a ticket ?

Tickets for the British Open are hard to get and the touts have a field day. One keen spectator was offered a ticket for £50. "That's absurd," the enthusiast declared. "Why, I could get a woman for that!"

"True sir, but with this ticket you get eighteen holes!"

Two wishes

Paddy was playing golf at a very exclusive club in County Kerry for the first time, and on the sixth hole he hit a hole in one. Jubilant, he walked down to the green and, just as he was taking his ball from the cup, up popped a leprechaun.

"Sor," the leprechaun bowed politely and continued. "This is a very exclusive course which has everything, including the services of a leprechaun if you make a hole in one in the sixth hole. I will be delighted to grant you any wish your heart desires."

"Saints preserve us," said Paddy in shock. But seeing the leprechaun waiting so patiently he thought for a minute then admitted shyly that he did have a wish.

"I want to have a longer penis," he confided. "Your wish is granted, Sor," the leprechaun said and disappeared in a puff of green smoke down the hole.

So Paddy headed back to join up with his friends and as he walked he could feel his penis slowly growing. The golf game progressed and Paddy's penis kept getting longer and longer until it came out beneath his shorts and reached down below his knees.

"Hmmmm," Paddy thought, "maybe this wasn't such a great idea after all." So he left his friends and went back to the sixth hole with a bucket of balls and began to shoot. Finally he hit a hole in one, and by the time he got down to the green, he had to hold his penis to keep it from dragging on the ground. But he managed to take the ball from the cup and sure enough, out popped the leprechaun.

"Sor, this is a very exclusive course," said the leprechaun bowing once again, "and it has everything including the services of a leprechaun . . . oh it's you again.

Well what will it be this time?"

"Could you make my legs longer?" pleaded Paddy.

Heaven & Earth

"I'd move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this course," sighed Mac, the golfer.

"Try heaven," advised the caddie. "You've already moved most of the earth."

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 Interviw of the Month               

ON THE 19TH OF JANUARY, 4 OF THE FAIRWAYS GOLF SOCIETY MEMBERS HAD THE CHANCE TO PLAY THE WORLD FAMOUS BELFRY THE HOME TO LAST YEARS CANCELLED RYDER CUP.

WE CAUGHT UP WITH ONE OF THEM (GRAHAM MEAD) TO GET HIS THOUGHTS ABOUT PLAYING WHAT IS CLASSED AS ONE OF THE BEST COURSES IN ENGLAND.

WEBPAGE: What made you decided to play the Belfry?

GRAHAM MEAD: The opportunity presented itself when myself and Dave acquired a voucher for a free green fee and 3 at half price, we decided to invite one person each and split the cost between the four of us.

WP: Which of the courses did you play and how much did it cost?

GM: We played the PGA National which with the voucher worked out at £15 each

WP: I here you played the Belfry's 3rd course the Derby also?

GM: Yes that cost us £20 each, we played the Derby on the second day

WP: I take it you stayed the night then, how much did that cost?

GM: We stayed at the Devere hotel and that set us back £107.95 each for bed and breakfast.

WP: Wow, I hope it lived up to your expectations?

GM: I expected the course to be better then any course I had played and I was not disappointed.

WP: Tell us a bit about the course

GM: The midlands had been deluged for a few days by constant rain so it was a total surprise when we were allowed trolleys on the course.

The greens although soft were still quite firm and quite flat there was hardly a straight putt to be had. The fairways were lush and the ball only plugged in the rough. After the first couple of holes I can only describe the tee shot as if I were a giant looking along a valley with the Himalayas stretching along either side of the valley forwards the green, below each mountain was a bunker the fairways were very narrow and I found more than my fair share of sand.

WP: How did you play?

GM: I can only really say we did not do the course justice. Scott hit his driver on every hole that wasn’t a par 3 and hit the fairways more often than not, he pulled very well but couldn’t hit any of his irons. I putted and chipped well but nothing else, lee was hitting some very good approach shots and Dave was there, only kidding no one of us played well. I think Dave scored 28 points, Lee 27 myself 26 and Scott amassed a miserable 23 points or so. Lee was the only one to play any sort of form on Sunday shooting 37 points whilst the wind and heavy rain got the better of the rest of us. All in all it was an experience we were pleased to take part in.

WP: Any plans to go back?

GM: Actually yes, we are just about to go and play the Belfry's premier course "The Brabazon", a little bit more costly this time at around £120 but I am surprised they are letting us on at the weekend and am really looking forward to it.

WP: Well we hope you enjoy it, thank you for your time.

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Guess The Golfer

Each month we will be putting a picture of one of our members in this section and would like you to tell us who it is, the problem is we have altered it just a little bit.

The first person to send the correct answer to low@thegolfcourse.com  each month with a name and e-mail address will win our monthly prize.

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Here is a look at the members who are tipped  to win the "Player of the year" award .

LOWS PICKS

To Be Updated

THE WEB GEEZERS PICKS  

To Be Updated

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Fairways Golf Society Man of the Year

Here at the fairways golf society we appreciate the members and non members for there help towards the running of the society, whether it be behind the scenes or on the actual golf days.

Each year the webmasters and committee will nominate 5 people they consider have gone above and beyond to help the fairways golf society.

These nominations will be posted on the site in September, then the committee, webmaster, captain and vice-captain will discuss for and against until one is nominated the fairwaysgolfsociety.co.uk man of the year which will be awarded at our end of year presentation that will take place some time in October 2003.